The Ballad of the Inch

Ah'll tell tae ye a story,
An' ah'll swear tae ye it's true,
A' aboot the Pillar Box -
The ane wi' E.R.II.

CHORUS:  Singing,
         Fa'll blaw it this time ?
         Fa'll blaw it noo ?
         The anes that blew it last time,
         Canna blaw it noo.

They took this mickle Pillar Box,
An' stuck it in the groon',
Wi' Edinburgh C.I.D
An' Polis a' aroon'.

A noble lady in the Sooth
Said, "Let it weel be seen
By a' thae traitrous Scots up North
That I'm their English Queen.

"Sae watch it weel ma merry men,
An' keep it in your care,
For England's nearly bankrupt
An' we havnae ony mair."

They guardit it richt faithfully,
They guardit it fell weel ;
But in ahint their backs there nipped
A big black-coated chiel.

Ye read it i' the papers,
Ye saw it i' the news -
How he stuck his "Coupon" in,
Wi' a yaird-lang, fizzin fuse.

As he hirpled back across the road,
Tae the Cops he bade "Good Night!
Ah wadna stand sae near the box,
For yon wis gelagnite."

A minute later aff it went,
Wi' a flashing an' a thump,
An noo they've taen awa' the bits
Tae the Corporation Dump.

The bottom bit they left there,
A' ragged-edged an' shairp ;
But the lid wis in St. Peter's hands,
Bein played on like a hairp.

It's said that on the next day -
Pit there tae get their rag -
Upon the mound o' rubble
Was a wee bit yella flag.

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Copyright © 2001, Jack Campin