An Un-Conscientious Objector

Of fighting I was never fond,
   I always loved my neighbour,
And had little thought or care beyond
   My very well-paid labour.
But now, alas!  with many a sob
   A soldier here I find me,
And the one who's pinched my cushy job
   Is the girl I left behind me!

I am a conscientious lad,
   I jab Huns without ardour;
And I only jab at them because
   I know they'd jab me harder.
But as I draw my bob a day
   It serves but to remind me
Of the things I'd like to do, and say
   To the girl I left behind me!

If she'd come over here, and be a WAAC,
   Why, then, I'd be in clover!
For my cushy job I could get back
   As soon's the war is over.
Some friendly shell might do the trick
   And from my woes unbind me,
Or a kindly Boche his bayonet stick
   In the girl I left behind me!

I hoped to live a tranquil life -
   It was my one ambition -
And I never dreamt that blows and strife
   Would be my earthly mission.
But though I am a man of peace,
   And fain would not unkind be,
Yet I long for the premature decease
   Of the girl I left behind me!

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Copyright © 2001, Jack Campin