Doctor Monro

"Dear Doctor, be clever, and fling off your beaver;
Come bleed me, and blister me, do not be slow:
I'm sick, I'm exhausted, my schemes they are blasted,
And all driven heels-o'er-head, Doctor Monro."
Be patient, dear fellow, you foster your fever,
Pray what's the misfortune that bothers you so?"
"O Doctor!  I'm ruin'd!  I'm ruin'd forever!
My lass has forsaken me, Doctor Monro.

I meant to have married, and tasted the pleasures,
The sweets, the enjoyments, in wedlock that flow;
But she's ta'en another, and broken my measures,
And fairly confounded me, Doctor Monro."
"I'll bleed and I'll blister you, over and over;
I'll master your malady ere that I go:
But raise your head from beneath the bed cover,
And give some attention to Doctor Monro.

If Christy had wed you, she would have misled you,
And laugh'd at your love with some handsome young beau.
Her conduct will prove it; but how would you love it?"
"I soon would have lam'd her, dear Doctor Monro."
"Each year brings a pretty young son, or a daughter;
Perhaps you're the father; but how shall you know?
You hug them - her gallant is bursting with laughter" -
"That thought's like to murder me, Doctor Monro."

"The boys cost you many a penny and shilling;
You breed them with pleasure, with trouble, with woe;
But one turns a rake, and another a villain." -
"My heart could not bear it, dear Doctor Monro."
"The lasses are comely, and dear to your bosom;
But virtue and beauty has many a foe!
O think what may happen; just nipt in their blossom!" -
"Ah!  merciful Heaven!  cease, Doctor Monro.

Dear Doctor, I'll thank you to hand me my breeches;
I'm better; I'll drink with you ere that you go;
I'll never more sicken for women or riches,
But I love my relations and Doctor Monro.
I plainly perceive, were I wedded to Christy,
My peace and my pleasure I needs must forego."
He still lives a bachelor, drinks when he's thirsty,
And sings like a lark, and loves Doctor Monro.

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Copyright © 2001, Jack Campin